I made too much of this yesterday. The recipe calls for “soup tofu” but I only had silken. In this picture you see my dirty stove and Faberware bamboo chopping board that is a bitch to clean because it’s bigger than the sink.

Cooking tip of the day (which is actually yesterday’s but I was late for work and didn’t have time to blog): Invisible ingredients. Many times I have found myself saying to myself, “I swear I put spinach in this dish.” and “What is this? ‘Look-for-the-squid stir fry?’” Spinach shrivels, squid shrinks. Here’s a recipe for

Disappearing Dish:

1 spinach leaf, 1 tsp minced squid.
Boil together in a saucepan with 2 tbsp water.
After 30 seconds everything will disappear.
Store the pan away.
Nothing happened.

It’s delicious. But I’m too full to eat because I’ve been eating the whole time this was cooking. Happens all the time. And because I’m Filipino, there’s a tablespoon of sugar in this. The best chopsuey I’ve had was from a restaurant called ‘Sandoval’ in my province in the Philippines. I tried to replicate it but I couldn’t find cockroach legs in my apartment.

I thawed too much beef so I made this right after the chopsuey with green curry from a can, coconut milk from a can and vegetables from a can. If that’s not cooking I don’t know what is.

“I wish I had cockroach legs.”

Cooking tip of the day: Cleaning up is an important part of cooking. Everyone needs help in the kitchen. That’s why I have a HELP WANTED sign in my room of cooking. This way, my guests don’t have to ask whether I need assistance with the dishes. I just alternately switch gaze from the guests to the sign to the sink repeatedly without moving my head. Guest(s) -> Sign -> Sink -> repeat till they pick up the sponge. Try it!

I made this from Aeri’s recipe. It’s not so much cooking as assembly of ingredients. It’s delicious but next time I will try a different brand yubu chobap kit.

When serving Korean guests, make short grain rice with a somewhat sticky texture like Calrose with a little too much water. They don’t like long grain rice. I don’t know why because I’m partial to loose, long grain rice. The last time I had Juhyeong, Eunae and Sonkyu for dinner I could tell they didn’t like the Jasmine.

Cooking tip of the day: If you live alone, don’t cook 8 cups of rice in a day. You don’t want to eat stale, crunchy, yellowing rice five days after on a paper plate soggy with kimchi juice because you don’t want to waste it. I guess what I’m trying to say is, ‘When cooking for one, don’t cook for eight.’ Also, don’t eat garbage.

I have done it again. A culinary masterpiece. A friend returned from a trip to New Zealand today so I decided to surprise him with two of his favorite things: penis and jello. Here I am posing with my creation while thinking of my inspiration. Thank you, Steven Daigle.

Cooking tip of the day: Horizontally layering gelatin is challenging. What you do is cool the jello slightly then mash it without incorporating bubbles. Impossible. Then shove it into the mold. I’ve yet to master this or the red glans of the penis would not have seeped to the shaft. And if there’s anything I hate, it’s glandes (plural of glans) that don’t know their boundaries. I’m looking at you, Chris.

I don’t recommend doing business with the online shop ASOS because of shipping problems. I do, however, admire their font choice for their packaging. The tagline is set in my font.

My feet are sore from standing for a couple of hours. I’m soaking them in water. It’s almost 4am.

Today’s cooking tip: Yesterday while slicing beef sirloin thinly I got tired and thought about shaving the meaty block with a cheese grater. This does not work.

I’m reading my copy of Simple Times: Crafts for poor people by Amy Sedaris (and the sexy Paul Dinello).